I was going to make this a private, password-protected post but then I realized it posts right onto my homepage anyway, so I might as well make it public.
On my YouTube channel, I’ve started a project where I’m working with crystals to see if they bring me new opportunities. This is my first week and my first crystal, so here’s how it went!
If you missed it and want to get caught up, here is the video where I discussed what I’m doing and what this project is for:
And if you don’t feel like reading every single day, here is my video where I summed it all up:
5/16/20 Saturday – Blue Apatite – Day 1
This is the start of my Opportunities journey. I’m starting with Blue Apatite which was the first in my scroll from Crystal Council. It’s a beautiful stone, it looks just like the ocean. It’s supposed to provide insight and mental clarity. I’m still a dumbass so I don’t think it’s working so far.
I went hiking with it today and saw a turtle. Turtles have been my messenger animal since last year. I haven’t seen one in the wild yet this year, so I think it’s interesting that today of all days would be the first day I’d see one.
I also walked my dogs on a separate trip, this was their first walk of the season as well, because it was the first above 70 degree day and they hate being cold. They were really slow and I got annoyed with how many times they stopped to sniff things, but I stared at my stone each time they did and tried to calm myself. We saw a snake on that walk.
Parks are PACKED now due to quarantine, which selfishly annoys me. Last year I would have been the only one at both parks, and now I am surrounded by people and the parking lots are full. I am glad people are getting out and enjoying nature, but I miss having the trails to myself.
I did a very short meditation on Blue Apatite today and while doing so, I realized that technically I could view everything as an “opportunity.” A new day is an opportunity to live, a new night is an opportunity to dream. So, did this crystal already open me to new “opportunities”? Or should I not count that?
I googled “how to find opportunities” and learned that there is a 4-step approach, according to some sales guru on Forbes:
- Look for Opportunities
- Be Willing to Read and Research
- You Have to Go for It
- Make Contacts
A lot of these are pretty generic, and then at the end you’re given a link to sign up for his expensive seminar, so. I don’t know that this is the be-all, end-all strategy for opportunities, but I do think they are some good general rules.
I did two yoga videos, one was “yoga to set intentions” and I kept thinking my intention was mental clarity and inner wisdom. Idk if it’s working?
5/17/20 Sunday – Blue Apatite – Day 2
Today is raining and grey. I did some session work in the morning but overall I’m so unable to do any work. My mind is all over the place. I did some laundry also, so…I got some work done? I just feel very restless and unproductive.
I dropped my Apatite on the stairs while running away from the living room. I live with a roommate and it sucks, he’s a slob and an unmedicated schizo-affective bipolar patient so, yeah. I tried to avoid him as much as possible, so when he pulls in the driveway I go upstairs. This time I was caught off guard; I didn’t see him pull in. I just heard the door unlock and bolted up the stairs, then I heard a loud crack. I thought I had broken the stone and was about to be pissed, but it looks okay. I feel maybe a small chip in it, but that might have been there already?
I really wanted to work today on my blog pitching, I feel like that’s a great opportunity honing skill and I’ve been working with a blog coach on it. I just can’t get my brain to focus.
I also bought a “Morning Sidekick Journal” which I want to start using; I haven’t even opened it. All of the days are kind of blending into each other and I can’t get my mind to snap into work mode. Also, it’s Sunday, can I take a damn day off?! I don’t know.
Overall today I got pretty much nothing done, especially with my crystal work. It’s hard to make it a priority when I have work deadlines, etc. Plus my partner came over and he really doesn’t know what I do with all my weird hippie stuff, so I can’t be like “hey let’s meditate using my blue apatite to see if I can get some opportunities.” To his credit, he’s very open minded and lets me do whatever I want, but I don’t want to involve him in case he thinks it’s weird.
So mostly nothing done today in terms of apatite work, or any work.
I also keep seeing that this crystal is supposed to help with “appetite suppressant.” Really? Is it just because it’s called “apatite”? That’s pretty dumb and also makes me wonder who makes this shit up. I guess it doesn’t matter, because if you believe it works and you spend time working with it, it should help.
5/18/20 Monday – Blue Apatite – Day 3
Today was much more productive; I released my Danny Elfman MasterClass blog and vlog. I got client work done, I took my dog to the vet, I made some important back-end changes to my YouTube channel.
In terms of crystal work, I tried meditating (sucked at it, I can’t get my mind to sit still), did some yoga, and now I’m journaling about it.
I’ve realized that I equate the entire success or fail of my day based on how productive I am. I don’t know if that’s healthy. I’d like to be able to have a day where I do zero work, go for a hike or two, read a book, watch YouTube, play with my pets and that still counts as a “good day.” But I’m learning that if I don’t even get ONE thing done (usually at least 4 or 5), the day was a whole waste.
I did not look for any opportunities today, because I’m still not sure what I’m looking for or how. I’ve heard of the term “positive manifestation” and I’m wondering if I should try it out. Some people claim it works, but again, I’m of the firm belief that you have to put SOME effort in on your own, and a lot of “manifestation” seems to be “Believe good things will happen and they will!” But at this point I guess it’s worth a shot right?
One opportunity I’d really like is to reach out to someone I admire (anyone from a YouTuber to a blogger to songwriter to music industry person), have them like me and then want to work with me. I think this should be a relatively simple (if nerve-wracking goal). I simply start sending out messages to people, asking if they’d like to work with me somehow. I bet 99.9% won’t respond but if one person shows indifferent interest, I might have an in.
So, tomorrow here are my goals:
-Work on the pitching tasks from my blog coach
-Create a list of brands and people I’d like to meet or work with
-Set an appointment with her to review these before I send them out
I think all of these can be done tomorrow except the appointment will have to be a few days out.
I’m scared this project is failing. Is it? I can’t tell. I’ll be sad if it does, but I want to keep this honest so if it doesn’t work, people need to know.
5/19/20 Tuesday – Blue Apatite – Day 4
Well I did none of what I wanted to do from yesterday, but I did try to work with Blue Apatite again all day. I went on two different hikes with it. I got a lot of music work done. I did a lot of tasks, but none of the opportunity work I was seeking.
I’m wondering if I’m too busy to be doing this project, or even too busy for new opportunities? I really just need a schedule. I just work on music all day every day until I’m mentally fatigued, then I go for a hike, come back and do it all over again.
I’ve noticed that on my hikes I have a constant internal dialogue. My mind is never quiet; it scares me to be so. I did not try meditating today. I just don’t enjoy it. I did try “yoga to find your center” (which is what Blue Apatite is supposed to be about) but it was more “yoga to strengthen your core” so I got an intense workout instead of inner peace.
Overall I’m feeling frustrated. I feel like maybe this project is stupid. I’m also working on the Danny Elfman MasterClass but I can do those every other Monday if needed. I’m just lost. What opportunities are even out there? What should I be looking for? How do I stop hating meditation?
5/20/20 Wednesday – Blue Apatite – Day 5
I went for a walk with my cousin today. It was a beautiful sunny day, I was swamped with work, but she asked if I wanted to meet up and I was like ‘why the hell not??’ I took my Apatite and we walked (keeping a safe distance, of course) and talked. I really love my cousin, she has become so close and such a great family for me. She and her husband and kids are by far my closest family, closer than my own immediate family for sure (except my stepsister).
Aside from my walk, I busted ass on work today. I got up at 8am, started singing, and aside from my hour break I worked 10 straight hours today.
Here is the thing: I honestly don’t know if I have time for new opportunities.
I know that sounds horrible to say, but I am just so busy, I don’t know if I would even be able to go for any new opportunities that presented themselves. I of course want to keep going and keep working at it, but I’m exhausted.
I cracked open my morning sidekick journal today for the first time and realized: I kind of already have a morning routine that really works for me. I wake up, take care of the animals, do a vocal warmup and start singing. That’s pretty much it, but it works for me and I enjoy the flow of it. So now I’m not sure if I even need the journal? Maybe I should try it and see what happens?
Overall, I’m just so busy and overwhelmed. I don’t know how to create space for new opportunities.
5/21/20 Thursday – Blue Apatite – Day 6
I had to film a music video for a client today. While I had everything set up, I went ahead and filmed a video for a cover song I’m making. I also worked on my Danny Elfman MasterClass project, so I’ve gotten quite a bit done.
I do not feel that I have any inner clarity or mental peace right now.
My partner came over and we went over finances today (his, not mine thank god). He has been struggling financially the last couple of years, but in my mind it’s not a huge deal. Money comes and goes and he’s business savvy, I know he’ll be fine. He was shocked that I took it so well and wasn’t worried or upset. Maybe the Apatite did help me, but I feel like I wouldn’t have been upset either way, I don’t know.
I did some yoga tonight which was nice, it made me feel capable and strong. I also went on a very short hike because once again the park was so crowded it was annoying.
I have one more day of working with this stone, but I gotta say I’m not sure it’s doing anything thus far. I like it as a stone, it’s pretty, I just don’t know that I’m really feeling anything with it.
5/22/20 Friday – Blue Apatite – Day 7
Today was a weird day. I had a bad/rough therapy session where I said the wrong thing, made a totally inappropriate joke that came across as creepy (even though my therapist seemed find with it) and spent the rest of the day terrified over it. What if he is weirded out by me now? What if he refuses to see me again? He seemed totally fine, but I’m overanalyzing it as per usual.
One piece of mental clarity I’ve attainted – several months ago, people kept urging me to use boards like Trello and Asana for tasks. I tried to work with them in the hopes they would keep me organized. Not only did they not do that, they made me completely stop writing anything down for months, which has made my productivity sink. Today I decided, who cares if that works for everyone else? That’s not what works for me.
I dug out a good old fashioned paper to-do list (ironically sent by The Crystal Council) and wrote my tasks by hand. I got every single thing done that I needed to get done that day. I felt organized, on top of things and in control.
So overall, I’d say the best 2 things to come out of Blue Apatite were:
- Treat EVERY thing that happens as an opportunity, because it really is
- Whatever helps YOU stay productive, use that. Use the method that works for YOU to stay on task
Now, could I have reached those conclusions without Blue Apatite? Possibly, but I honestly don’t think so. If I hadn’t been on a constant quest for opportunities and mental clarity this week, I doubt I would have come across those insights. So I have Blue Apatite to thank for that. Now it’s on to Blue Kyanite starting tomorrow!